What Italians Won't Tell You About Living in Their Village

The Unwritten Rules

Every culture has rules that nobody writes down. Italy has more than most, and they vary by region, by village, and by generation. What follows applies broadly to rural and small-town Abruzzo, though your specific comune will have its own variations. Coastal towns are somewhat more relaxed. Inland villages, where everyone knows everyone and outsiders are noticed immediately, tend to be more observant of these codes.

The good news: Abruzzesi are generally forgiving of foreigners who are clearly trying. The effort matters more than the execution. Making mistakes while attempting to respect local customs earns genuine goodwill. Ignoring customs entirely, or dismissing them as quaint, does not.

Nobody will explain these rules to you directly. Italians tend to assume you already know, or that you will work it out by watching. This guide gives you a head start, but observation remains your best teacher. Watch what your neighbours do. Then do that.

Greetings and Acknowledgment

This is the single most important thing to get right. Greet people. Every time. Everyone. If you take nothing else from this article, take this.

The Basics

Buongiorno (good morning/good day) is used until early afternoon. Buonasera (good evening) takes over from roughly 4 or 5pm, though the switchover time varies locally. Buonanotte (good night) is used when parting in the evening. Ciao is informal and should only be used with people you already know well, or with children. Using ciao with an older person you have just met can come across as presumptuous.

Greet people when entering any shop, bar, pharmacy, or public space, even if you are just browsing. Greet the barista before ordering. Greet people you pass on the street, especially in small villages where a stranger's face is noticed. Greet your neighbours every single time you see them, even if it is the third time that day.

Failure to greet is noticed and interpreted as rudeness, coldness, or arrogance. It does not matter that you are shy, distracted, or that it feels repetitive. In an Abruzzo village, people who do not greet are talked about. People who greet warmly are accepted faster.

Formality Levels

Italian distinguishes between formal (Lei) and informal (tu) address. Use Lei with older people, professionals, shopkeepers you do not know well, and anyone in an official capacity. Wait for them to suggest switching to tu, which signals that the relationship has moved to a more personal level. Premature informality, especially with older Abruzzesi, can feel presumptuous or disrespectful. When in doubt, default to Lei. Nobody has ever been offended by being addressed too formally.

Time and Daily Rhythm

Meal Times Are Sacred

Pranzo (lunch) typically runs from 1:00 to 2:30pm. Cena (dinner) begins at 8:00pm at the earliest, more commonly 8:30 to 9:00pm. Eating outside these windows is unusual and sometimes genuinely confusing to Italians. Restaurants close the kitchen between services. If you arrive at a trattoria at 3pm expecting a hot meal, you will find the shutters down.

Do not phone people, visit, or expect any kind of service between roughly 1:00 and 4:00pm. This is not laziness. It is the structure of the day, and it is non-negotiable. Shops close. Offices close. The village goes quiet. If you schedule a builder or plumber over lunchtime, they will not come, or they will come annoyed.

Sunday Is Different

Sunday is family day and rest day. Most shops outside Pescara are closed, including many supermarkets (though this is changing in larger towns). Noise is expected to be minimal. Hanging laundry visibly, running loud machinery, operating power tools, or doing obvious exterior work can draw disapproval. In smaller villages, this is taken seriously. In coastal towns, it is more relaxed. Observe before you assume.

The Passeggiata

The early evening stroll, typically between 5:30 and 8:00pm depending on season, is a social institution. People dress nicely, walk slowly, stop to chat. It happens on the corso (main street) or in the piazza. It is not exercise. It is social participation: a way of being seen, acknowledging others, and maintaining the fabric of community life. Joining occasionally, even briefly, signals that you are part of things. Walking through in gym clothes with earphones in signals the opposite.

Noise and Shared Space

Quiet Hours

Most comuni have official quiet hours set by local ordinance, typically 1:00 to 4:00pm (riposo pomeridiano) and after 10:00pm. During these times, loud noise from construction, power tools, or music is both illegal and socially unacceptable. Some comuni extend Sunday quiet hours to the full day. Fines exist but the real penalty is reputational: the neighbour who runs an angle grinder at 2pm on a Tuesday becomes a cautionary tale told in the bar for years.

Parking

Unmarked parking spots often have informal owners. Someone has parked in that spot for 30 years. It is theirs. There is no sign. You will not know until someone tells you, possibly curtly. Blocking access to a private drive or garage, even briefly while unloading, causes friction. In narrow village streets, parking badly can prevent the rubbish truck or an ambulance from passing. Ask your neighbours early on where you should park. When uncertain, park further away and walk.

Property and Boundaries

In apartment buildings, shared hallways, courtyards, and staircases have unwritten rules about cleaning schedules, use, and decoration. In rural settings, boundaries between properties can be ambiguous, especially where land has been informally divided over generations. Pruning a tree whose branches overhang your property, building a wall, or redirecting water drainage can all trigger disputes with roots older than you. Before altering anything visible to neighbours, mention what you plan to do. The conversation costs nothing. The dispute it prevents could cost a great deal.

Food and Hospitality

Accepting Hospitality

When offered food or drink, the expected response is a gentle initial decline. The host will insist. Then you accept. This is not a game. It is a social script that allows the host to demonstrate generosity and the guest to demonstrate humility. Accepting immediately can seem greedy. Refusing too firmly is rude and can feel like a rejection of the relationship itself. Learn to read the rhythm.

If invited to someone's home for a meal, bring something. Wine, pastries from a local pasticceria, something from your home country. Never arrive empty-handed. The gift does not need to be expensive, but it needs to exist.

Food Norms

Italian food culture has rules that Italians follow instinctively and notice when others do not. These are not pretentious affectations. They are deeply held beliefs about how food works. In Abruzzo, where food is central to identity, they carry particular weight.

Cappuccino is a morning drink. Ordering one after lunch or dinner is the most reliable way to identify yourself as a tourist. Pasta is a primo (first course), not a main dish with side salad. Cheese does not go on fish-based pasta, and asking for it will produce visible discomfort. Bread is for mopping sauce (fare la scarpetta), not for eating alongside pasta. Salad (insalata) comes after the secondo (main course), not before or with it.

Breaking these rules will not cause genuine offence. Italians expect foreigners to be confused by food, and most find it endearing when you ask rather than assume. But following them signals that you are paying attention, and in a culture where food is identity, that attention is noticed and appreciated.

Gifts of Food

Neighbours may appear at your door with tomatoes from the garden, homemade sausage, jars of sugo, or fresh eggs. In Abruzzo, where many people still grow, cure, and preserve their own food, this is common and meaningful. It is relationship-building, not charity. Accept graciously and reciprocate when you can. Even something store-bought, or a food from your own country, is appreciated. The exchange matters more than the item.

Appearance and Presentation

Fare bella figura (making a good impression) is a foundational concept in Italian culture. It applies to how you dress, how you maintain your property, how you speak to people, and how you present yourself to the community. It is not about fashion or wealth. It is about care.

What This Means Day to Day

Do not go to the village bar, shop, or piazza in pyjamas, flip-flops, or visibly scruffy clothes. Nobody expects designer labels, but being clean and presentable matters. For the evening passeggiata, people dress a step up from daytime. At church, at official appointments, at someone's home for dinner, dress respectfully.

The exterior of your property is also part of bella figura. Overgrown gardens, peeling paint, piled-up rubble, and general visible neglect reflect poorly, not just on you but on the street and the neighbourhood. You do not need a manicured villa. You need to show that you care about the place you live in. If you are renovating and the property is temporarily a mess, let neighbours know your plans. The context changes everything.

The opposite of bella figura is brutta figura: making a bad impression, embarrassing yourself or others. Italians go to considerable lengths to avoid it, and they notice when others do not. This does not mean constant formality. It means awareness that how you present yourself communicates respect for the community you have chosen to join.

Religion and Tradition

Abruzzo is traditionally Catholic, and many villages are structured around the church both physically and socially. Attendance at mass varies: some people go weekly, many go for major holidays, others rarely. But even people who do not attend church regularly respect the institution and the rhythms it creates.

What This Means for You

You do not need to be religious. Nobody will ask or expect you to convert. But you should be respectful of the role that the church plays in community life. If you enter a church, dress appropriately: shoulders and knees covered. This applies to sightseeing as much as to services.

Religious festivals, particularly the local patron saint's day (festa patronale), are major community events with processions, music, food stalls, and fireworks. Attending shows respect and is an easy way to meet people, even if you are not religious. In many villages, these are the social highlight of the year.

The village priest (parroco) often holds significant informal influence in smaller communities, acting as a connection point for local information, welfare, and social networks. Being known to the priest, even casually, can open doors. Do not mock or dismiss religious customs, even in what you believe to be private conversation. Word travels fast in small places.

Major holidays follow specific traditions. Christmas in Abruzzo includes particular foods (like capitone on Christmas Eve) and customs that vary by village. Easter is deeply observed. Ask your neighbours what is expected locally. You do not need to participate in everything, but acknowledging and respecting these moments is part of being a good neighbour.

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